The Roman Catholic version of the Bible (NAB) is full of verses that encourage men and woman to pursue an open and transparent life. In turn, hypocritical lifestyles that are for the mere sake of putting up a facade are discouraged. This was Jesus Christs' true passion, to lead us on a straight and narrow path towards creating heaven on earth by being honest and respectful towards others but more importantly with ourselves.

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It's no surprise that I chose accounting as my career. As an accountant, mainly for auditing purposes, its very important to develop trust by remaining independent. The guidance on ethics for auditors asks that accounting professionals remain independent in both attitude and appearance. I knew this would be a challenge for someone with a target on her back by degenerate people too filthy to own up to their mistakes preferring to keep me living under their shadows as if that would wipe away their burdened conscience. 

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For as far back as I can remember, I've questioned everything. Not to be rebellious but because I have an inquisitive streak. I've always felt that I have a calling in life and that whatever that might be, that I'm obliged to make responsible decisions in consideration of others. I've had to face circumstances that could easily drive anyone to plunge into despair only to later feed into the same never ending vicious cycle passed down from generation to generation - All from the blinding loss of hope. How would I address the concerns that stemmed from my instincts, I wondered. The only answer was to lead by example; to be the change I wanted to see in the world as Ghandi would have it. 

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I've had to make difficult personal life decisions. 

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The matriarchs that came before me in my immediate life, if you can call them that, keep putting the plays into motion on my behalf whereby my life is portrayed in a theater backdrop that 1) excludes me from my life and 2) I play 'them', a doomed and oppressed woman. Their motive is to get restored of their sense of self-worth and human dignity through my eventual sympathy of their weakness and stupidity. They are either incapable of seeing life through my lense, or simply refuse to see me for who I am. While they eagerly anticipate that their wishful thinking transpires into my reality, going on with their story whether I respond in a manner that justifies them for their continued disregard for my life and choices, I can't look away lest I get bulldozed. Its become a full-time job, but one that sustains my soul, thus more important than my other full-time job which sustains my physical body.

 

In the end, they probably meant well as trained thinkers on the firm belief that woman should  play the victim as a way to one-up while behind your back they make you look at fault by labeling you a prostitute, at which point you become the perfect candidate to marry a chump that they control. Because what chump doesn't like the kind of trashy woman that was conniving enough to weep crocodile tears - when she should have gone insane - and that later reformed after realizing that had she not spread her legs she wouldn't be in that situation. What a life! But it gets even riskier.

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Add to this lifestyle, one I believe emphasizes co-dependency and mediocrity over self-reliance and achievement, that below the surface there's a War on Drugs and that these drugs/traffickers have to come from somewhere, and that that somewhere could be Mexico where I speculate my own brother died as a victim to this war. My instinct tells me that whoever he was involved with is now salivating at the prospect of my becoming the whore to some undercover drug trafficking chump while my children can later be used as the next generation of worthless scum. All to cover the backs of inferior masses of filth that call themselves human. I hope my children can see my position someday and understand the decisions I've had to make.

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(Yes, I know what I sound like but this is the reality of my world. Its a great defense mechanism for keeping things straight when dealing with scum.  No need to sugar coat something that is and will remain sour).

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I know what I'm worth. I know who I am. And, most importantly, I know the consequences of my choices. I've made up my mind to enjoy the fruits of my labor! If anything at all, I'll do what I can to make sure that they stop hanging their conscience on me. I believe in a merit based society. If I can't enjoy the product of my efforts, who should? Should anyone bother aspiring to high standards and reaching for lofty goals? What kind of message does that send across? Has it really come this far? Should my children have to ever ask themselves the same question? I hope not. I'll make it clear, usurping on another life is simply diabolic and it doesn't work. On the other hand, seeking divinity from our Creator results in eternal life. Be yourself! That's natural.

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Satanic people read this message and balk. They construe this benign and benevolent way of life as a "trick" that people use to gain control over them. They are projecting who they are, and their paranoia, on the upright good individuals whom only wish everyone the best and whom have put God in control of general life while graced to please Him within the boundaries of self-driven will power.

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