Good intentions, while a noble gesture, are rarely a good basis for justifying behavior. Instead, executing consequences to hold your peers accountable, as much as yourself, are much more effective. For one, they’re grounded on reason and ensue in effective measures that ensure we can all live in the best of all possible worlds. Living by an honor code requires a strong, values-based character that if we all abide by, life would go smoothly, right? Not if the uglier, dark side becomes the stronger dictating force. That can happen if good-natured people, that is, those in charge of maintaining posterity, allow themselves to get trampled over by those not so good-natured. There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries.
One reason that Christ preached a new Gospel was to make his followers aware that “from the beginning there has existed evil spirits that have tried conquering Heaven forcefully.” As a whole-hearted Christian, I truly hope for the best but must plan for the worst. The greatest example of how women can prevent evil forces from ruling the world is to be realistic in consideration of potential abuse by their counter-parts. Or, perhaps from other woman that whom under similar circumstances might have “good intentionally” encouraged damaging behavior and have assumed the throne over the opposite prototypical woman – the more decisive and definitive type, like myself, that would rather prevent greater harm down the road. I dare say that their self-assumed throne is only rewarded by men that perpetrate harm. It’s nonetheless nothing more but a destructive vicious cycle and the responsible ones are inevitably forced to step in and save the day.
In my case, it wasn’t only the bad first impression left by my first boyfriend and father of my children that drove me to take drastic measures and walk out on our relationship after eight years. It was the ongoing unwillingness on his part to show the slightest remorse and his ritualistic gaslighting which left no doubt in my mind that a loving and bright life-partner relationship was out of the question for me. Some woman might have ensued a game of tit-for-tat because they lack the foresight to see themselves as ultimately sleeping with the enemy. What’s worse, is that in the process of collecting damming evidence against their live-in foe and in order to gain the upper hand, they risk serious domestic violence, moving from psychological abuse to physical violence. Never mind saying good bye to the prospect of being happy, now they’ve also left themselves open to the potential of ending up in a hospital and their aggressor behind bars. Do I think I did my children’s father a favor by walking out amicably when I did? Big time.
My continued support of him to pursue building himself as a decent participant of a larger community was not only in my best interest but in that of my children. And, well, his. It was the sheer utilitarian route; everybody won. And, even though I didn’t know what I had coming as an expression of his non-appreciation a few years later when he attempted bulldozing over me in family law court, I remained well centered and stayed on track to forge my vision for my future as a parent, career woman, and all in all neighborly individual. Needless to say that fighting through a court case that was basically designed to be one that open-and-shut, was my only winning bet. Simultaneously, everyone benefited once again.
In general, you don’t have to be a full-on accomplice to serve as the enabling cover up for a perpetrator. Allowing the behavior makes you just as responsible. On the other hand, demanding reciprocal treatment to uphold the valuable significance of the human dignity, shows self-respect. Moreover, when people of little character have reason to believe that they can hide under your skirt, so to speak, encourages them to repeat the crime. I repeat, I’ve been a good friend to people that may have otherwise lacked solid boundaries intended to prevent self-destructive behavior. More woman should be encouraged to put their little grain of sand into the vast heap.
It never mattered much to me to discuss whether I have good intentions. That’s too subjective. I’ve simply made it a habit to conduct my affairs under the safe assumption that walking into a dark cliff can only be made possible by living under the shadow of a man that never cared to win my trust – same theory can be extended to other types of relationships. It’s up to me to succeed and for me that means leading an open and bright life. The rewards I strive towards are amassed by treasures stored in Heaven. Nobody can take that from me. Here on earth, I simply aim to avoid bigger, life threatening tragedies down the road. While I’m at it, it feels good to pride myself on community-centric solutions as opposed to participating in the spectacles orchestrated on a large public scale which only create scapegoats while culprits get away.
On a positive note, let’s try to always give sinners a chance to repent and reform through social rehabilitation. Getting jaded prevents us from having compassion and only helps the enemy.